Amelia & Mother Teresa

So many times women wish for a guide book, an owner’s manual entitled “How to Have It All” but we simultaneously ask the question “Is it really possible?” "Don’t we have to give something up, especially because we are a woman?” The reality is that cliff notes were written, brave, courageous women paved the way for us to be anything we choose. We seem to choose the sign saying “Detour.” If we would just take a moment to really listen to the incredible women who tirelessly strived to create a playbook for us, our future would be filed with possibilities instead of limitations. The best part is that we can be exactly who we are as long as we follow our passion.

“Some of us have great runways already built for us. If you have one, take off! But if you don’t have one, realize it is your responsibility to grab a shovel and build one for yourself and for those who will follow after you.” Amelia Earhart

Take calculated risks, share what you’re doing well and then bask in the glory of women united. Amelia Earhart was the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean and set many aviation records. Because of her tenacity, and confidence, she was able to challenge the possibilities and ideals that were associated with women of her time. She was comfortable, and aware of the extraordinary power that she possessed. Her inspiring adventure would have never taken place if she waited passively for the right opportunity to reveal itself. Instead, of sitting on the bleachers in her life, she was a deliberate creator. To be a deliberate creator we must take credit, for the positive contributions that we have made in the world. We must own all of our greatness the same way that we own all of our flaws. Just owning our negative qualities doesn’t do anyone a favor. Once we take responsibility for our ability as women, to choose the life we deserve and desire, we no longer can rely on excuses for reasons of failure. We must dare to disregard reason, and make our goals and passions an inexcusable initiative; that was the philosophy of the legendary Amelia Earhart. But contrary to most people’s beliefs, she was NOT sprinkled with magic dust that ensured her lifetime of achievements. She had to build her own runway. And we all have a little bit of that Amelia Earhart spirit within us. Our capabilities are limitless once we dare to be unreasonable. That is when the magic truly begins!

“Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.” Mother Teresa

Who better to make a daily difference, person to person, than women? Our stamp of authorship will be significant if we realize that our influence may start and stop within our own circle but those people will pay it forward when we care with our whole hearts and minds. Mother Teresa devoted her entire life to caring for the poorest of the poor – the sick and dying poverty stricken people of India - referring to them as “her beloved Jesus in their many distressing disguises.” She demonstrated a spark of possibility in the midst of situations where everyone else felt helpless. Being a deliberate creator is the only way to transform motion into action. Mother Teresa was so devoted to the poor that she was able to generate funding from sources all over the world for her causes simply by her extraordinary example. In 1979, Mother Teresa was awarded the Nobel Peace Price “for work undertaken in the struggle to overcome poverty and distress, which also constitutes a threat to peace.” Being confident that we all possess the power to shape the world to match our core beliefs is the least selfish quality in the world. Women often shy away from seeming overly confident, in fear of making those around us feel inferior. This is anything but true. Being the best person we can be only grants others the permission to do the same. Confidence is the catalyst for change. It’s a good thing that Mother Teresa wasn’t conservative regarding the potential that she possessed to promote change. Again, passion supersedes all else: money, connections and experience.

This month and every month stand and be counted so they can inspire other women to step up and embrace their power so no woman will be invisible but instead invincible.

The Last Word

Once again I have received an email I think needs to be shared because it just made me smile . Here is a little vignette which perfectly illustrates those negative people we all know and sometimes wish we didn’t:

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying I Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

"He said: "Where'd you get the awful hairdo?"

Women Listen

"Because of their agelong training in human relations - for that is what feminine intuition really is - women have a special contribution to make to any group enterprise…”- Margaret Mead

During these times of economic stress, more than ever it is women who are making wise financial decisions because we listen with our hearts. Listening involves much more than hearing. It means paying attention to our special intuitive abilities, and then instinctively applying them to all our activities, including those involving money. Our unique ability to empathize and intuit gives us an edge in all aspects of living including business. Women have always known how to deal with crisis and stress. We are caretakers. So it is only natural that we can combine those aspects of ourselves to generate a positive ripple in our economic energy stream. We must just trust our instincts and listen with our hearts. I have more to say on this subject. Check it out here:

http://www.nuwireinvestor.com/articles/women-in-business-listen-up-52551.aspx

PATRIOTISM IS POPULAR AGAIN

"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty…And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country."
– John F. Kennedy January 20, 1961

"America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because we the people have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our founding documents. …In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned… Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America."
– Barack H. Obama January 20, 2009

48 years between those eloquent speeches. President Kennedy’s stirring words were uttered before I (and probably most of you) was born. Now President Obama has arrived on the national scene to motivate us once again with his eloquence and a healthy dose of good old fashioned common sense. I really asked myself, "Am I playing my part?" Are you? Let us take these powerful words to heart and do more than hear but really listen and take action to remake America in the image our founders had in mind.

Check out this link and be inspired to become an involved citizen by signing the pledge to be a “Born Again American.” http://www.bornagainamerican.org/

SAROYAN’S TRUTH

It is a brand new year. And time to renew our resolve to improve our lives by reconnecting to our faith. A faith based life fills the voids that often create the question, “ Is this all there is?” I am a traditionalist, so the Bible is my source for strength and wisdom, but I realize that not everyone is grounded in that foundation and I have a healthy respect for all that serves as a groundwork of faith for others.

A few years ago I watched a prominent actor being interviewed on the television show, “Actors Studio.” When queried if he was a devotee of the Bible, his response was that the author and playwright, William Saroyan’s “Time of Your Life” served as his platform for wisdom and truth. Being an admirer of this particular actor, my curiosity was piqued and so I went in search of this piece of prose, which follows. See what you think. Here it is:

In the time of your life, live – so in that good time there shall be no ugliness or death for yourself or any life your life touches.

Seek goodness everywhere, and when it is found bring it out of its hiding-place and let it be free and unashamed.

Place in matter and flesh the least of the values, for these are things that hold death and must pass away.

Discover in all things that which shines and is beyond corruption.

Encourage virtue in whatever heart it may have been driven into secrecy and sorrow by the shame and terror of the world.

Ignore the obvious, for it is unworthy of the clear eye and the kindly heart.

Be the inferior of no man, nor of any man be the superior.

Remember that every man is a variation of yourself. No man’s guilt is not yours nor is any man’s innocence a thing apart.

Despise evil and ungodliness, but not men of ungodliness or evil. These understand.

Have no shame in being kindly and gentle, but if the time comes in the time of your life to kill, kill and have no regret.

In the time of your life, live – so that in that wondrous time you shall not have added to the misery and sorrow of the world, but shall smile to the infinite delight and mystery of it.

We really aren’t ever alone nor do we ever have to be if we cement our foundations with a faith based life. My New Year advice: We should share our faith if it is part of our core values, resuscitate it if we have allowed ourselves to wander and be prompt and deliberate in selecting our faith platform if we have been searching.

Many Blessings,

Catch It If You Can-And The Good News is You Can!

It seems that happiness is not merely a function of individual experience or choice, but is also a property of groups of people, in other words a collective phenomenon. It turns out that it is contagious. This is wonderful news with huge implications. It means we can all be carriers. They say misery loves company, but the same may be even more true of happiness. According to a study published by the British Medical Journal, scientists from Harvard University and UC San Diego showed that happiness spreads readily through social networks of family members, friends and neighbors. They found a “statistical relationship not just between your happiness and your friends' happiness, but between your happiness and your friends' friends' friends' happiness."

Knowing someone who is happy makes you 15.3% more likely to be happy yourself, the study found. A happy friend of a friend increases your odds of happiness by 9.8%, and even your neighbor's sister's friend can give you a 5.6% boost. There you have it: Three degrees of separation.

"Your emotional state depends not just on actions and choices that you make, but also on actions and choices of other people, many of which you don't even know," said Dr. Nicholas A. Christakis, a physician and medical sociologist at Harvard who co-wrote the study. Go here to read more about this study, and then make a resolution for the New Year to be a “happiness carrier.”
http://www.webmd.com/balance/news/20081204/happiness-is-contagious

I CAN!

I Cancel All Negativity!

Make this your new mantra, and there will be nothing but smooth sailing ahead.

Of course many of you might say, “That is easier said than done!” And that statement itself would be continuing with a negative pattern of thinking. It implies that it is not easy to stay positive in every aspect of living.

The truth is that it is easy once you decide to make a conscious effort toward reprogramming your brain. One way to do that is to get in the habit of asking yourself every time you utter a sentence or have a thought if it was a positive or negative statement or thought. If your thought was negative then say, “cancel, cancel” to yourself either silently or out loud as a tangible way to modify your behavior. Yes, I am serious. While you are standing in line at Starbucks judging the person in front of you for no apparent reason, stop, take self responsibility and say, “cancel, cancel.” It requires some slowing down of the mental processes and some honest and deliberate evaluation, and that is all there is to it. Voila!

Granted, it doesn’t happen overnight, but with persistent effort and dedication to refocusing and changing your thoughts, you can cultivate a new way of looking at and reacting to life, and there will be improvement in every aspect of your existence. You will have more vitality, more laughter, more fun, more prosperity, and more joy.

Just remember your new mantra: I CAN! (I CANCEL ALL NEGATIVITY.)

And if you need a little nudge to get you started on your new path to positivity, check out this site for some inspiring and uplifting quotes: http://www.quotegarden.com/attitude.html

Good Advice

While the euphoria and jubilance that soared onto the world’s stage the evening of November 4th is still in the air, I would urge everyone to go to this site: http//www.theroot.com/id/48726

There you will read a moving letter to Barack Obama from Alice B. Walker, the Pulitzer Prize winning author of “The Color Purple.” Ms. Walker also coined the word "womanist" for African American feminism: “‘Womanist’ is to ‘Feminist’ as purple is to lavender.” Here’s a wonderful line from The Color Purple: “I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it”..

While Ms. Walker’s letter to the President Elect gets right to the heart of the profundity of this historical moment in time when a black person has been elected to the highest office in the land, it also contains good counsel for us all, and that is to cultivate happiness in our own lives. She reminds him to please remember to relax happily in his new role, so that we can relax too. She tells him that success is really an inside job that is within the reach of us all and it isn’t achieved in the acquisition of objects and fame. It is being at home and comfortable in one’s own skin. She tells him that he did not create the mess the world is in, and that in this most difficult role that fate has delegated to him, to please seek balance and take time to enjoy his family. The whole world is watching, and if he can stay centered and at peace he will serve as a role model for us all, and that in itself is a great service to humanity.

Her reminder is a cue to us all that preservation of the soul is our salvation and our sanity, and that our smiles are a reflection of our souls’ condition.

She closes her letter with a phrase that just lingers with me,
“We are the ones we have been waiting for.”

Thank You

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is "thank you," it will be enough. -- Meister Eckhardt

This is the month for gathering our friends and family to feast and express thanksgiving, so I thought it would be appropriate to give a little nudge to remind ourselves to say “thank you” as a matter of course throughout our days. It is such an easy gesture and it almost always uplifts its recipient so the question is, “Do we do say thank you enough?” Is it in your own natural way of being? Are you grateful?

William Arthur Ward expressed it eloquently: “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

And though it may take a few minutes of our time, why not write a little note of thanks to someone who least expects it? Just imagine how much pleasure can be given with that simple act?

A little advice: If you thank someone and they brush it off as no big deal please take the next step to say, “Well ,it made a difference to me so thank you again.”

Here’s a lovely lecture to get you motivated. http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/laura_trice_suggests_we_all_say_thank_you.html

Free AND Easy

What could possibly be free and easy in today’s economically stressful times? Not only is it free and easy, it will make you happier and healthier. Can you guess what the answer is?

Smiling! Not only does a smile make you more appealing and approachable, studies have shown it can lower your blood pressure and improve your immune system. And the irony is that even if we don’t feel happy, and a smile is the last thing we feel like doing, the quickest way to reverse those unhappy feelings is to smile. Just like the song says: “Smile, though your heart is breaking…….”

Still not in the mood to smile? Here is a joke that just might give you a kick start and get you grinning. And after that happens, go to the end of the blog and check out the test to see if you can tell a genuine smile from a fake smile.

While attending a “Marriage Encounter Weekend” Walter and his wife, Ann, listened to the instructor declare,

“It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He then addressed the men in the audience and challenged them with the following question, “Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?”

Walter leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, “Pillsbury, All-Purpose, isn’t it?”

Thus so began Walter’s life of celibacy.

Are you smiling yet? Good. Now check out the test to see if you can spot the fake smile: http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles/

VIVA LA DIFFERENCES

A person's greatest need is to be significant, accepted unconditionally, to really matter to someone else. It is so easy, especially now, to get caught up in the blame game. It's SO much easier to blame someone else for our lot in life but our self integrity rises when we put the blame back to where it really belongs, on ourselves. If it is change you want, start within.

Instead of complaining about the differences between men and women, let’s celebrate them. Yes, we’ve all heard that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but we also know that we complement each other in so many ways. And let’s face it, we want to be mated. It’s built into our hard wiring. That is God's little joke in my opinion.

So why not appreciate each other’s differences instead of trying to make them into our clones? And how do we do that you might ask? We need to change our expectations of how our mates SHOULD look, SHOULD act, SHOULD think, SHOULD dress, SHOULD etc., etc. We can “SHOULD” our partners to an early grave, but will it make us any happier? Of course not. Quite the opposite.

If we just allow our mates to be who they are, and look for and find the reasons to celebrate their differences, we’ll all benefit in the long run. It’s not that complicated. There is no greater gift than allowing people to be their authentic selves.

Of course we can still grumble a little silently to ourselves on occasion. After all, we wouldn’t want to take away all the fun.

For Diane Ford’s humorous views on the differences between men and women check out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSwT744azR4

Right on-Dr. Phil!

I have to confess that I’m not a Dr. Phil devotee. In fact, I’ve never watched his show, but today a friend who had been complaining for some time about her husband and who had even gone so far as to suggest that she had made the worst mistake of her life by entering into a marriage contract with him, suddenly and unexpectedly changed her tune. She walked into my office grinning like the proverbial Cheshire cat, and when I asked her what could possibly have provoked that look of bliss, her answer was simply: “Dr. Phil. He’s amazing!.”

Now this is a very active and involved woman, so I was quite surprised to hear those words coming out of her mouth. As far as I know, she rarely watches television, so it never occurred to me that she would have called on Dr. Phil to solve her marital woes, but this is precisely what she did. And she informed me that it would behoove me to be charitable about this wise man and check him out myself. She even suggested that I might get a few pointers for my clients.

So, being an open minded (but I must confess, skeptical, woman) I looked at his web site, and was delighted to find some real wisdom about making a marriage work. He has a list of relationship rules that are pointed and actually quite profound. For anyone struggling with female/male issues (and who doesn’t?), this link will provide some bullet points worth memorizing and following. Check them out for yourself. These are keepers.
http://drphil.com/articles/article/53

And thanks, Dr. Phil, for putting that smile back on my friend’s face.

65 Years Ago

The following is a portion of an article entitled, “Eleven Tips For Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees” written by L. H. Sanders for the 1943 edition of Mass Transportation Magazine. Thankfully, these outrageous regulations cannot be mandated in today’s workplace, but if you read between the lines, I think you may agree that many of them are still tacitly in place. For some provocative comments on these antiquated and chauvinist “rules”, check out http://www.feministing.com/archives/008544.html

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they’re less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn’t be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It’s always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3. General experience indicates that “husky” girls – those who are just a little on the heavy side – are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination – one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5. Stress at the outset the importance of time the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6 Give the female employees a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they’ll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can’t shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman – it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl’s husband or father may swear vociferously, she’ll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11. Get enough size variety in operator’s uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can’t be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

His Cheatin' Heart...Gene

Science is surprising us daily with new discoveries. And this latest discovery may help women make better choices in romantic male partners should they require their mate’s be monogamous. Yes, I actually know women who don’t have this requirement.

It seems that men are more likely to be devoted and loyal husbands when they lack a particular variant of a gene that influences brain activity. In other words, there is a direct link between a man’s genes and his aptitude for monogamy.

The gene variant (allele 334) regulates the activity of a hormone in the brain known as vasopressin (present in two of every five men). The study revealed that one species of voles (also known as meadow mice) has receptors for a male version of the hormone, vasopressin, and one doesn't. As you may have suspected, one species is monogamous, the other isn’t. The prairie vole is monogamous, while his close relative, the meadow mole is polygamous. .
So, ladies, if one day there is a blood test to determine whether or not a man will be more likely than not to be faithful, you will have the humble little prairie vole to thank. Until then, it might be wise to do as one woman suggested – and that is to keep a separate checking account.

Check out the link here for more on this study. http://www.ajc.com/business/content/health/stories/2008/09/01/monogamy_study_marriage.html

Happiness

I love a great debate but most importantly I love effective communicators. Those speakers who know just when to tug on our heart strings and just when to use grit and common sense vs. sophisticated vocabulary. There can be a clear difference between effective and eloquent communicators and the two can be mutually exclusive. I bring this up because of the enraged emotions Sarah Palin’s nomination has sparked with so many women. This heated up as a result of her effective acceptance speech. I have somehow become the sounding board of these angry, aggressive women who to this historical moment in time seemed to be quite docile and passive. I am actually grateful something jolted them back into life but BALANCE must be suggested or they may self induce heart failure. Don’t get me wrong; it’s great to be passionate about something but diplomatic grace will sway more people to your way of thinking and passion can be expressed without anger and negativity.

So today I divert my blog discussion to happiness. Good old fashioned happiness. If you Google “happiness,” you will get 87,000,000 results. That’s 87 MILLION!

In this lecture, Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert says our beliefs about what will make us happy are often wrong http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/97

He says our "psychological immune system" lets us feel real, enduring happiness even when things don't go as planned. He goes on to explain that we are able to “synthesize” happiness. He defines “natural happiness” as being what we get when we get what we want, and “synthetic happiness” is what we make when we don’t get what we want.

All of us, he says, have this capacity for synthesizing happiness, but some of us do it better than others. He urges us to cultivate that ability. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn't have preferences in life. But we should keep our preferences bounded. When our ambition is bounded it leads us to work joyfully.

Tis nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
- Shakespeare

Mommy Wars-Campaign Edition

Here we go again. Women are attacking each other in the one area of our lives where we have so much in common: motherhood. The Mommy Wars have heated up. Sarah Palin’s entrance into the political arena has revived this skirmish in a big way.

Just when many women were coming to terms with the idea that it is acceptable to work and raise children, Sarah’s abrupt and outspoken entrance on the political scene has again provoked controversy.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/02/us/politics/02mother.html?_r=1&em&oref=slogin

But we’re still faced with the same old question: Can we have it all? It seems the media is trying to convince us it isn’t possible: that being a good mother and having a robust career are two statements not to be uttered in the same breath. I am frankly bored with this same old rhetoric. Though I could have found more eloquent words to sum it up, women consistently having to defend themselves as working mothers is just plain boring. Can’t we find something else to talk about other than judging our ability to multitask effectively? Let’s face it, everyone knows we are simply better at that than men. So I looked for, and found, a recent study with statistics polling people on which sex makes the better leader, and women come out on top. http://pewresearch.org/pubs/932/men-or-women-whos-the-better-leader

One thing is apparent. This battle of balance is not going to go away anytime soon, and the addition of Sarah Palin on the political scene, is stirring it up to a boiling point. This campaign has brought women’s issues to the forefront again – and that’s a good thing.

W-O-M-A-N

Sarah Palin is all over the news. Let’s face it, she has revived some hot topics about what it means to be a woman, like: Can she handle the No. 2 position in the country and still do justice as a mother to her five children? And if John McCain wins the election and something should happen resulting in his untimely demise, could Sarah handle the difficult position of being President of the United States and still be a loving and attentive mother to her children?

Of course, we never ever hear this same question being asked of a male candidate and my answer is, "we can do anything you can do..."

This controversy reminded of two wonderful songs from several decades ago about women’s strengths. One by Peggy Lee (“I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan…cuz I’m a woman”) and another by Helen Reddy (“I am woman – hear me roar, in numbers too big to ignore…”).

Here are two superb videos that capture those great empowering lyrics. Turn up the volume and rock out. The first one is a poignant tribute to women who have suffered abuse. It’s powerful. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8D5KMUIqV-4&feature=related

The other is an iconic recording of Johnny Cash and Peggy Lee from 1971 singing Peggy Lee’s great song about bringing home the bacon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfz-aSyPIBo

So remember ladies, we are strong and powerful women, and we are invincible. And for those men who may be reading this blog, don’t pout. You can be strong and smart too especially if you have a great woman supporting you.

The 60-40 Solution

How many times do you have a genuine “ah-ha” moment? I believe it’s important to share these sporadic insights. Maybe that is the reason blogs are so abundant. It feels good to put these ideas into writing in the hopes that they will resonate with someone else.

Recently I had one of these rare “ah-ha” moments when I was fantasizing about digging a shallow grave in my backyard where I could place my husband’s body after I bludgeoned him to death with his surfboard. Then I realized that I, more so than anyone else I talk to, have to be deliberate about practicing what I preach. I found myself thinking, “What would I tell one of my clients who was feeling the way I was?”

As a new mom, a full time career woman, not to mention my roles as daughter and friend of the year - oh and let’s not forget – the perfect wife, I found myself resenting my husband for not carrying his weight. This resentment seemed to compound at record breaking speed, and all of a sudden days felt like years that I have been carrying around this antipathy for my husband, whom I now sarcastically call the “Prince.”

The minute my son wakes up, he is like a robot with one word repeatedly popping out of his mouth over and over and over: “Mama, Mama, Mama.” I can’t even brush my teeth, much less get dressed. Meanwhile, the Prince is acting like he’s staying at the Four Seasons, leisurely reading his paper and drinking coffee.

So, rather than lash out at the Prince, I unleashed my frustration on a friend who started “The Six Figure Mom’s Club.” http://sixfiguremomsclub.com After her laughter had subsided, she said, “These are things almost every wife and mother feels at one time or another, but won't say out loud.” She then referred me to her free report “10 reasons you might not feel like other moms” which is also on her homepage.

Smart women just seem to know the best remedy for every problem.

Back to my “ah-ha” moment. How can I expect my husband to know about any of my bitter feelings when the only people I ever tell are other women? So I created a diplomatic and loving memo from me to my husband, because thoughts put into writing become actions. I spelled out the exact ways our household contributions can be made more equal. Please note that I don’t ever actually expect the roles will be 50-50, and when it comes to my son, I am willing and happy to accept 60-40. But 70-30 is the deal breaker.

If you identify with this dilemma, here’s a tip: Make a list. Write out the five, six or ten things that it takes to make your household run effortlessly, and put your name by six of them and his name by four, and start releasing the resentment. It made all the difference for me. No more fantasies about grave digging. Now I’m perfectly content to see my husband take off with his favorite surfboard and blissfully hit the waves - after he gets our son dressed and feeds him breakfast.

How Do You Spell Class? Hillary

When my father encountered someone he deemed to be ignorant he described them as NCAA “no class at all.” I share this with you tonight because I witnessed the best display of quintessential “class” I have seen in quite sometime and that came from Hillary Rodham Clinton. Regardless of your political affiliation I think you would be hard pressed to deny that someone’s true character sometimes comes in the face of defeat and Hillary was triumphant in her effort to unite the Democratic Party in her speech which endorsed Barack Obama. Keith Olbermann so eloquently put it best, “Grand Slam, she hit it out of the park, across the street, over many buildings.” http://www.msnbc.com/

What Is Class?
Class never runs away. It is sure footed and confident in the knowledge that you can meet life head on and handle whatever comes along.

Class never makes excuses. It takes its lumps and learns from past mistakes. Class is considerate of others. It knows that good manners are the right sacrifices to make. Class has nothing to do with ancestors, money or titles. You have heard money can’t buy class. The most affluent blue blood can be without class while the descendant of a Welsh miner may ooze class from every pore.

Class never tries to build itself up by tearing others down. Class can walk with kings and keep his virtue, and talk with crowds and keep the human touch. Everyone is comfortable with the person who has class because they are comfortable with themselves.

If you have Class, you don’t need much of anything else.
If you don’t, no matter what else you have- it doesn’t make much difference.

Because this is my blog I get to be corny if I want to so I will end with my favorite quote that describes amazing women and say that Hillary makes me proud to be a woman.

If by strength is meant moral power,

then woman is immeasurably man's superior.

Has she not greater intuition? Is she not more self-sacrificing?

Has she not greater powers of endurance?

Has she not greater courage?

Without her man could not be.

If nonviolence is the law of our being, the future is with woman.

- Mahatma Gandhi

The Indecent Extremes of Beauty

I hope the majority of the people around the world have been made aware of the recent bad (I will go so far as to say “immoral”) choice by the Olympic Committee to satisfy a member of China’s Polituro’s request to switch the faces of two little girls during the Opening Ceremony, and are as disappointed as I am.

7-year old Yang Peiyi was chosen to sing “Ode to the Motherland” during the opening ceremonies, but she was deemed not cute enough to perform the song live, so she was tucked away behind the scenes, and 9-year old Lin Miaoke lip-synched her performance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bq2SukIN10Q

The ceremony’s chief music director, Chen Qigang, even had the audacity to say, “The audience will understand that it’s in the national interest.”

What is this telling the rest of the little girls in the world? Have we become globally superficial? Will this insanity ever stop? And what has this done for the self esteem of a sensitive 7-year old? I wish I could hug her and tell her how beautiful she really is!